THE REAL YOU

Sharing Joys and Sorrows

2011-07-17T13:42:00.001+05:30

What bothers many of my friends working in top-class MNC's and world-reputed Banks is the unchecked personal competition among co-workers, inter and intra departmental colleagues. There is nobody who would be happy to learn about your achievements; everyone pretending to be your well-wisher is in reality a sham- ready to pull your chair. Why? Or more important, what implications does such a phenomena hold for you, the department's efficiency and the company's work culture?

I am watching a movie “Band, Baaja, Baraat”, a Hindi movie where the girl in partnership with a friend starts her business of planning weddings. The movie emphasizes how the journey of growth from small-scale marriages to organizing big-budget ceremonies became pleasurable, only when the two partners in business happily shared their joys and sorrows. There comes a time, when the two part over an argument and start working independently. That’s when they realize the essence of not just team work, but also the mental satisfaction of banking on a dependable colleague.

Be it the work environment, our family or life in general, it feels good when you have someone who’ll be genuinely happy for you in times of joy and stand by you in times of sorrow. And, you find that special partner by becoming exactly like one…

Why blame the culprit?

2011-04-05T16:51:00.002+05:30

This Sunday I watched a few scenes from the movie “No One Killed Jessica”. Call it an intentional misuse of power or an unintentional move after being doped, some mistakes turn into irreversible blunders. It’s easy to point fingers and start blaming. The culprit blames it on the victim; the parents of the culprit put it on the offender’s friends and obviously the victim’s kin blame the culprit.
What troubles me, is the pain and misery caused by one human to another over a moment of heated disagreement. And, strangely the sadness and uneasiness is momentarily; short-lived.
And, what further bothers me is that these horrendous incidents are not just spontaneous reactions, but actually point towards the culmination of some dangerous traits at a very early stage in a person’s life.
Around me, I see young children hooked to screens- mobile phones, PSP, PC- Laptop and video games. Almost all these entertainment options offer endless opportunities for competition. Imagine these kids formulating strategies to fail and banish any XYZ who comes up to stand against them. If you don’t like someone progressing as well as you are, all you have to do is fire a shot. Bang! He goes away; oh! Not 'away'- he DIES. Imagine these kids have got the POWER TO KILL AND DECIMATE anyone who gets near them, their safety zone or secured position. That’s the point.
Our lovely child gets virtual powers that we would mind allowing him to access, in reality. How do we explain the difference between the reality and the conceptualized world? It’s somewhat akin to the difference between falling in love on the screen and handling the relationship in real life. After you supposedly fall in for someone, and like the movie way, start living together; you eventually realize that life is not the fairytale you imagined it to be.
Coming back to my concern; are we informing these teeming gamers that in real life they are not supposed to cross the red light, hit others' cars with their's, blow someone’s head with a bullet and much more? If we are not, then, we lose the right to scold, criticize or blame them for faults and blunders they make when they bridge the gap between games and the real world, in their own sweet/bitter ways…

Personification of the Heart in songs

2011-03-10T00:03:00.000+05:30

Listen to this Hindi song

Dil to bacha hai jee- meaning "the heart is a kid..."
The beautiful lyrics of the song elaborate on the helplessness of the 'owner' of this naughty 'heart'; who is puzzled by the sudden thumping and skipping of beats.

And, then there is another based on exactly the same theme-

When Dreams come true

2010-08-23T09:01:00.002+05:30

You spend years yearning for a treasured wish to come true. Eyes glittering at the thought of how improved your life will be when you get or achieve it! You are ready to sacrifice and leave all the comforts available to you at present for that one thing you'll find in the future...
Well, it could be the luxury car, the sports bike, a perfect job, the girl you love...

What happens when you actually have that thing in your hands or with you? For how long do you actually bask in the glory? Does it lose it's importance? How long does the enthusiasm last?
Does dreaming of achieving it entice you more than actually achieving it?
The sad answer is YES. Because the things and relations you lose or leave behind are more important than what you actually struggle for...

You want to buy a Merc- you work day and night to swap jobs and gain promotion. You ignore your friends and family to concentrate on work. You cancel family vists and vacations to go for business tours. And, finally when you buy that MERC... you drive it you love it. BUT, there is no one to sit along, no one to share that joy. No one who feels as happy for you as you are...

Is that just my experience or yours too?

Controlling Anger

2010-02-25T12:25:00.007+05:30

"I could not control the nerve running along the right side of my forehead from expanding; my right hand's fist from turning into a boxing stud and my some less than thirty-two teeth from hitting each other in disgust", said a twenty year old guy. He was talking about the unpleasant incident when he hit his ex-best friend over a trifle matter.

As I talked to him, I was perturbed by the calm composition of his posture and demeanor. Was this the same person who had held his friend by the collar and done an act that left the collar fully stained in blood? Which is the Real one, the real emotion - the Real person?

He answered the question very wisely indeed-
He says, "When you are angry, the Adrenaline flows so fiercely that you lose your sense of wisdom. You are unaware of the expressions that overshadow your face; the movements which your hands make. Your temperament rises to a superficial level. You want to hear harsh sounds, that too made by your hand! You want to see defeat written all over the 'enemy's' face."

Woh! I really liked what he told me. And again I wanted to work out the reason behind this uproar of emotions.

I guess it's the old Big Ego coming into the picture again. How dare he say that to me? How could he do that to me? I am so important, I am so damn better than the others.

Isn't that true? Yes our EGO steps in every time. Beware of this EGO

The power in her Eyes

2009-12-12T19:31:00.007+05:30

They say, "Our eyes are a reflection of our heart." I often practice looking into some one's eyes without actually staring at the person. For me, the eyes bring out what's going out in the mind.
Philosophically, this implies the mind rules the heart. The displayed emotions completely cloud the emotions we actually feel.
And yet, there are eyes, powerhouse of fire, which force you to reflect what's going on in your mind and heart.

I had the chance to come across the unblinking fiery big round eyes. Her dirt-laced face was marred with black marks of a stream of recently shed tears.
I had to ask the six year old to stay within a prescribed area in the premises, away from her mom working in another part of the building. As I observed from a distance, the child was acting like an undomesticated, spoiled free bird, ready to smash and break everything that came her way.
I approached her fully prepared to harshly mend her ways and give her a stern lesson in mannerisms. My brisk pace and the purposeful stare were met by an equally determined glance and an obdurate demeanour. The young girl didn't open her mouth; not a single word she said. She moved away slowly, very quietly, but, her stare spoke volumes of what she felt. Her eyes threw daggers at me. I couldn't even read out what was going on in her mind or her heart.
And yet, my mind raced to what I was doing. Her straight stare compeled me to reconsider my stance and mend my own behavior. Somehow, by looking into those big and beautiful round eyes; I could reflect upon my mind and heart.

As my heart skipped a beat, I realized how inadvertently I had drawn boundaries of civilization and domestication for a girl who had spent just six years in this cruel world.
Was it right on my part to capture her free mind into rigid categories of Yes and No, Right and Wrong; and Do this and Do not do that?

Saw her big eyes gazing back at me. Yet, to find out what to do...

Emotions Felt and Emotions Displayed

2009-11-05T14:38:00.003+05:30

I remember these terms from a book on "Organization Behavior", I read two years ago. Yet, the implications and significance of the difference between these two emotions, has become evident lately.

There are times I find myself smiling; my friends call it the "artificial smile". I call it "the displayed emotion". The real emotion goes hidden! Fishy as it sounds, the gap often unnerves me. So, when I want to shout or scold the person who's bothering me, I end up flashing a big smile.

Again I ask myself, "why do I do that?" and I put this question to others too.

Why are we afraid of displaying our real emotions? Why do we limit ourselves to boundaries of social etiquette? Why are certain emotions considered unfit to be displayed?

Putting the Blame on others

2009-10-07T23:48:00.002+05:30

Our inability to accept reality, our insecurity to trust others and our overconcern to maintain a good image; all result in incidents we would never come forward to take credit for.
We make a mistake, we realize the blunder made and then, we rush to cover that up.

Why? How?

Why, we are yet to find out but how...
Put the blame on the other party or even a third party.

He said, "..."
It happened...

How justified is it?

Identify the BIG EGO

2009-09-27T11:03:00.002+05:30

It is very important to Identify the BIG EGO and control it. This would automatically lower down the stress levels and conflicts.

Ego leads to Stress and Conflicts

2009-09-26T20:16:00.001+05:30

Ego: Stress and Conflicts

Uploaded by CAT Spoken English and Management at Stanley Solutions from Namrata Arora on WiZiQ Tutorials

A Child's Play

2009-09-23T20:26:00.006+05:30

Games have always inspired children who remain glued to the Video set, player or Mobile just to improve their scores and gain those extra points.

I recently observed a youngster holding a PSP in his hands with full concentration on the screen, efficiently managing the press buttons with his fragile fingers and eyes gazing on the tank that raced across a steep ascent in the game.

The child taught me how to use the keys, what to press to shoot a bullet or fire a shot at the policeman. The speed and dexterity with which he manoeuvred the device, simply amazed me.
Then, I observed his game closely. Any person on foot, car, bike or any vehicle is our young player's enemy; no matter if he shoots back or lends a helping hand.

I assume the child doesn't distinguish between the two.

But, then I wonder is this child ever going to realize the importance of Team work, Synergy or Collaboration...

and it's not too early to expect that

From the very beginning this kid learns to have his way out even if that amounts to destroying an impediment or even a non-moving object on the road. Is he learning not to share his things with others or to be the only one in power? What about his ego? Is it getting inflated beyond control?

Ego: Stress and Conflicts

2009-09-14T08:13:00.001+05:30

Is my Ego going out of Control? by Spoken English Finance Marketing HR Stanley Solutions Namrata Arora

Get your own Virtual Classroom

Frustation over small things

2009-06-12T16:17:00.002+05:30

Getting Frustrated over Small/Petty things

Frustation over small things is very common.

There are instances or actions of others that tend to frustrate you more than a major failure or cancellation of a deal. You are irritable throughout the day. One irritant stimulates another and you lose your temper at the drop of a hat. You shout, stare, howl, slam the door or even throw things...

Is it ego? Do we want everything to happen and move the way we like it to be?

Why?

What if we identify the stimulants and control our reactions and feelings?

of Kindness and Sympathy

2009-05-14T18:02:00.002+05:30

Some souls are kind, some moments make some souls kind.
You've never felt like talking to strangers on the road, but one find day you just help out someone for no reason or rhyme. He asks you the way to a shop or a house, and instead of a blank look or a stare, you show him the way...

Strange how unpredictable we are!

Sympathy, is somewhat different, you feel bad or sad for the other person, you are sorry for what the other is going through. Why? Do you consider yourself better off than him/her? Is s/he inferior to you in any way? Do you help this person out of real concern? Won't your help make him/her more weak or dependent?

Of Black and White

2009-03-24T18:54:00.002+05:30

There's this 'Abstract Topic' in quite a few discussions that crops up and so I considered it bringing it to this Blog.

When I was young, Black and White represented Darkness and Brightness, slowly the shades of the shadows of Black and the Creaminess of White started having meanings.
I often associated Black with evil and white with purity. In fact, brands and names still build their markets on this differentiation.

The definitions of RIGHT and WRONG seem to change as we grow up; sometimes, we even stop considering categorizing acts into Black or White.

How significant really is this categorization?

taming the anger

2009-01-18T20:51:00.002+05:30

I have often heard people saying that we learn to tame and control our anger as we grow up.
some practice meditation,some yoga and yet there exist innumerable other techniques.

What is the need to tame or control anger?Is it the venom it brings in our voice or the brutality in our attitude? Or just an affirmation of how to conduct ourselves in a social set up?

Noting the Coincidence

2008-12-19T09:08:00.003+05:30

the Dictionary defines COINCIDENCE as 'when two things happen at the same time, in the same place, or to the same people in a way that seems surprising or unusual'.

Often people consider a coincidence as something destined to happen.Why?

Things happen by chance
or
do we sub-consciously i.e. knowingly make them happen....

Yet, there are times when we take note of the coincidence much later. These could be the best thing that may have happened to us in a lifetime......... or the most unlucky incident of our life....

Politeness

2008-12-13T09:22:00.003+05:30

I have often noticed people in service centers respond in the most polite manner, with full courtesy and a smile - friendly and warm that does wonder to calm the irate customers; much to the benefit of the company they work for.

Then, I often feel have we ever tried applying this magic to our lives?
Why can't we control that snide remark, the sudden spurt of anger or the killer look in our eyes while dealing with people known and unknown?

running after yet running away

2008-12-02T07:38:00.002+05:30

Strange as it seems we all are running after something in life to run away from someone.
The gal next door is working so hard to earn money so that she doesn't have to be financially dependent on her hubby... In a way she is running after money to run away from dependence.

and another guy is running after clients to gain maximum leverage. basically he is not interested in settling down at a meager income. he happens to be chasing money to avoid compromising comforts later in life........

BUT
the question is are we cowards who refuse to face the challenge of accepting the situation bravely and be contented with what we have.

After all, if we get over obsessed with something, we would finally start hating it....

WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY WANT?

TOUGH DECISIONS

2008-11-09T23:27:00.004+05:30

Strange things happen everyday, sometimes we behave strangely and at other times, other people behavior seems strange...
During such unexpected instances what helps is the will to understand what's going around us. At times, we just can't read what happened to our friend a minute ago. And, there are instances when we just can't read the other person's mind. Then, we get really sad.
After all, the heartbreak is more intense when someone very close hurts us. Unknown acquaintances might speak a thousand unjust words; but a sharp remark from someone we love is sure to damage our entire Universe!

Why can't the mind and heart be tuned to take less of the pain? There is this Indian Jingle for a Orange/Lemon friz "zor ka zhatka dhire se lege". It translates into "a high impact thing influences you lightly (Grammar can be ignored). In reality, this rules does wonders.
With friends and family or at the workplace; just try to smile when others expect you to burst with anger or cry with helplessness. It's fun to see your tough decisions melt into butter...

why do people bitch?

2008-08-13T19:49:00.000+05:30

"you know he's so rude. he bluntly refused......"
" oh what do you think about her? I hate the shades she puts on. They look so low class"

these excerpts come from our daily conversations. we love to indulge in humiliation and back biting....
I have often thought why we do that. and after lots of deliberation i feel there are two main reasons:
the first is that our weaknesses compel us to point the finger at someone else so that the torch light doesn't fall on us. For instance, we might be hiding something from our friend, and just to keep her attention away from that, we end up criticizing some third person...

the second one is that we have become so tuned to be negative, so egoistic that we start underestimating others. we create such an honorable image of ourselves in our mind that whenever we see someone outshining us we cannot bear that and our insecurities culminate into utmost disrespect for others.

one thing that i realize is that YOU CAN WIN THE TRUST OF OTHERS BY PRAISING EVERYONE AROUND YOU BUT YOU WILL GAIN ONLY HATRED IF U CRITICIZE OTHERS

to question what is right from me

2008-08-09T11:38:00.001+05:30

I can hardly recall the time, when I first understood the sounds around me and perceived their meanings.
I remember wanting to shout at the top of my voice when I was in KG. one stare and a reprimand by my favorite teacher taught me the basics of public etiquettes.
well, as I grew up, i realized that the things i cherished doing had to be molded according to the whims and fancies of my dear ones. never thought of questioning their thinking? but then came a time when i started questioning their opinions.
how could certain things be right for others and wrong form me?