I have often heard people saying that we learn to tame and control our anger as we grow up.
some practice meditation,some yoga and yet there exist innumerable other techniques.
What is the need to tame or control anger?Is it the venom it brings in our voice or the brutality in our attitude? Or just an affirmation of how to conduct ourselves in a social set up?
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15 comments:
There might not be any need to control or tame anger. There is only need to understand WHY anger comes and goes. There is also need to be watchful about the anger, to be aware of it!!
Anger is a temporary state in the beginning. It has a lot of negative effects on the mind, the body and the surroundings, both people and things! One behaves in a manner quite different to one's 'non-angry' state when one gets consumed by anger. When the anger is gone, most of us are surprised at this unusual part of us (initially), and would like to NOT lose control repeated. Hence the whole idea of controlling or hiding one's anger! So most people would LIKE to not get angry or at least not show it! One who is in control of one's own senses and temper at all times, even in the face of adversity, is respected, admired!! Food for the ego, if that!
Later, anger might be a less temporary state, out of sheer habit for one who is always found to be angry at almost everything! Then it becomes like second nature, addictive, requiring more serious intervention!
My take: it is good to be angry, as long as one is watchful and one can see it come and go. Anger bottled up inside can cause more harm than good: repression is always bad!
Yeah it is the habitual part that bothers me. If anger is misused to incite others to action (negative incentive) or to emotionally hurt others; then it needs to be controlled.
Hmm... controlling anger vs. managing anger. I wonder if there is a difference.
Further, is controlling anger repressing it? Keeping it bottled inside? Festering, seething?
On another note, can there be any positive outcome, any meritorious of anger as an emotional response? Nature has created this state in humans. What, if any, are the uses of it? Any beneficial effects at all?
Finally, can anger be controlled? If yes, how? What can one actually do? It is so easy to rationalize post-event (read outburst), but so hard to stay calm when the storm rages within or when the stimulus for creating that anger dances in front of one's eyes, taunting and teasing!!
A penny for your thoughts?
I guess there is a difference between controlling and managing anger.
Controlling anger amounts to curtailing it may be suppressing it somewhat like containing it.
Managing anger, on the other hand could be effectively using it to get desired results... and that's where the positive side of anger plays role.
What if one's anger is uncontrollable? What if after the anger is gone one doesn't even remember that the anger was there in the first place?
Anger as catharsis: Is it possible to let the anger out in some way so that one feels lighter, freed of some pent up emotion, some heavy mental burden? Are there any constructive ways in which one can get rid of one's anger? For, most of the ways of freeing oneself of one's anger are destructive, both to the surroundings as well as to oneself. Which is naturally why when people are angry, they destroy things, they hurt people...some kind of balance is restored after the destruction, and then they become quiet again (or in the non angry state again), till the next time some provocation leads to the same cycle! How does one get rid of that? Any ideas?
Just love this blog, for it provides a point in space-time to ask questions...sometimes the answer might never come, but asking the question itself might be the 'answer'! Who knows? Thanks for making this possible. Sense a lot of gratitude for you for this!
So, here is another angle to the anger issue. WHAT do the other people do if one person is getting angry or is in the middle of an outburst? I guess it would depend on the situation and whether one is known to the angry person. Still, what does one do if
a) a person is getting angry at us?
b) a person is getting angry at others in our presence?
c) the anger is extreme, leading to violence or destruction
d) we see a person trying to control his/her anger and trying to suppress it?
No clear answers. The basic issue is: should the anger be let out? Or should it be kept inside? Should one try to absorb one's anger internally instead of hurling it about on others?
anger is always controllable because at the back of our mind there s this finger that reminds us that we are going astray.
Also it depends entirely on us how we treat other people's anger. if we consider it contagious and get egoistic, the situation might actually go out of control.
When a person is angry s/he retreats to his "child ego state" and the easiest way to tackle him/her is to divert his/her attention to sthg very positive....
well well... the ladies have already had a healthy discussion on 'Anger' :-)
My take ... Anger is a state of mind when the 'REAL YOU' has least control over itself..
Controlling/Managing Anger - We consider managing anger when we assume that 'anger' can be helpful at times. Well, it really is. But as you both agreed........ you gotta watch it come and leave as and when you please..
As far as my personal experiences are concerned...
"I was angry like a bull on a dear friend of mine ( over a small issue, which could be resolved by saying 'screw you' and nothing else) about a year ago. That was the time of REALIZATION perhaps. I have not felt any anger since then.. NO ANGER AT ALL'
PS here is my blog..
www.absoluteprofit.wordpress.com
I will be glad to see you around at my blog.
There might not be any need to control or tame anger. There is only need to understand WHY anger comes and goes. There is also need to be watchful about the anger, to be aware of it!!
Anger is a temporary state in the beginning. It has a lot of negative effects on the mind, the body and the surroundings, both people and things! One behaves in a manner quite different to one's 'non-angry' state when one gets consumed by anger. When the anger is gone, most of us are surprised at this unusual part of us (initially), and would like to NOT lose control repeated. Hence the whole idea of controlling or hiding one's anger! So most people would LIKE to not get angry or at least not show it! One who is in control of one's own senses and temper at all times, even in the face of adversity, is respected, admired!! Food for the ego, if that!
Later, anger might be a less temporary state, out of sheer habit for one who is always found to be angry at almost everything! Then it becomes like second nature, addictive, requiring more serious intervention!
My take: it is good to be angry, as long as one is watchful and one can see it come and go. Anger bottled up inside can cause more harm than good: repression is always bad!
hey strider! welcome...
you say: Anger is a state of mind when the 'REAL YOU' has least control over itself..
how can we be so conclusive when the real you is so elusive?! what you say unleashes questions galore: Is mind not a part of the real you? Is the real you just a static state, blissful? Can the real you lose control ever? Can the 'real you' be an exclusive state or an an all inclusive state of being?
If one is sobbing uncontrollably or laughing hysterically, is that NOT a state of mind where the real you has least control over itself? madness? schizophrenia?
whew...
) I love your 'expression of thought' Sharde!!
Well, 'Real You' for me is not so elusive.. This question is history for me now. We try to jump ahead. This way we will only carry on passing judgments without even knowing it deep down. Context! Context is very important.
First you have to decide if you are looking for an answer to 'real you' or 'anger'
As soon as we get an answer (supposedly) we tend to use it like algebraic equations everywhere else ( at the speed of thoughts!!) Why not practice it..
Best thing I can tell you is to practice it.. you will see. ( It was true for me. I know it will be true for everyone else as well. Because we are all fundamentally same)
What we are doing will be tagged as philo-sophy and I know it can only suggest answers. Answers are in actions.. They will come when you practice these answers in your life....
No problems with schizophrenia if I can continue flowing like the way I do... :)
I consider my mind as a servant to my real 'Self'! If only you could watch patiently ... You will see how well you can recognize, feel and experience three hiararchies in what you know today as 'Sharde' or 'Nancy'
1. Soul
2. Body
3. Mind
Questions are good. The deserve answers. Answers always follow. Always ask questions to seek answers and not for the purpose of just asking questions.The the final step - Practice answers that seem to be true.
ps.. made a post on 'anger' here..
http://tinyurl.com/qa2dzr
:)
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