Sharing Joys and Sorrows

What bothers many of my friends working in top-class MNC's and world-reputed Banks is the unchecked personal competition among co-workers, inter and intra departmental colleagues. There is nobody who would be happy to learn about your achievements; everyone pretending to be your well-wisher is in reality a sham- ready to pull your chair. Why? Or more important, what implications does such a phenomena hold for you, the department's efficiency and the company's work culture?

I am watching a movie “Band, Baaja, Baraat”, a Hindi movie where the girl in partnership with a friend starts her business of planning weddings. The movie emphasizes how the journey of growth from small-scale marriages to organizing big-budget ceremonies became pleasurable, only when the two partners in business happily shared their joys and sorrows. There comes a time, when the two part over an argument and start working independently. That’s when they realize the essence of not just team work, but also the mental satisfaction of banking on a dependable colleague.

Be it the work environment, our family or life in general, it feels good when you have someone who’ll be genuinely happy for you in times of joy and stand by you in times of sorrow. And, you find that special partner by becoming exactly like one…

Why blame the culprit?

This Sunday I watched a few scenes from the movie “No One Killed Jessica”. Call it an intentional misuse of power or an unintentional move after being doped, some mistakes turn into irreversible blunders. It’s easy to point fingers and start blaming. The culprit blames it on the victim; the parents of the culprit put it on the offender’s friends and obviously the victim’s kin blame the culprit.
What troubles me, is the pain and misery caused by one human to another over a moment of heated disagreement. And, strangely the sadness and uneasiness is momentarily; short-lived.
And, what further bothers me is that these horrendous incidents are not just spontaneous reactions, but actually point towards the culmination of some dangerous traits at a very early stage in a person’s life.
Around me, I see young children hooked to screens- mobile phones, PSP, PC- Laptop and video games. Almost all these entertainment options offer endless opportunities for competition. Imagine these kids formulating strategies to fail and banish any XYZ who comes up to stand against them. If you don’t like someone progressing as well as you are, all you have to do is fire a shot. Bang! He goes away; oh! Not 'away'- he DIES. Imagine these kids have got the POWER TO KILL AND DECIMATE anyone who gets near them, their safety zone or secured position. That’s the point.
Our lovely child gets virtual powers that we would mind allowing him to access, in reality. How do we explain the difference between the reality and the conceptualized world? It’s somewhat akin to the difference between falling in love on the screen and handling the relationship in real life. After you supposedly fall in for someone, and like the movie way, start living together; you eventually realize that life is not the fairytale you imagined it to be.
Coming back to my concern; are we informing these teeming gamers that in real life they are not supposed to cross the red light, hit others' cars with their's, blow someone’s head with a bullet and much more? If we are not, then, we lose the right to scold, criticize or blame them for faults and blunders they make when they bridge the gap between games and the real world, in their own sweet/bitter ways…

Personification of the Heart in songs

Listen to this Hindi song


Dil to bacha hai jee- meaning "the heart is a kid..."
The beautiful lyrics of the song elaborate on the helplessness of the 'owner' of this naughty 'heart'; who is puzzled by the sudden thumping and skipping of beats.


And, then there is another based on exactly the same theme-

When Dreams come true

You spend years yearning for a treasured wish to come true. Eyes glittering at the thought of how improved your life will be when you get or achieve it! You are ready to sacrifice and leave all the comforts available to you at present for that one thing you'll find in the future...
Well, it could be the luxury car, the sports bike, a perfect job, the girl you love...

What happens when you actually have that thing in your hands or with you? For how long do you actually bask in the glory? Does it lose it's importance? How long does the enthusiasm last?
Does dreaming of achieving it entice you more than actually achieving it?
The sad answer is YES. Because the things and relations you lose or leave behind are more important than what you actually struggle for...

You want to buy a Merc- you work day and night to swap jobs and gain promotion. You ignore your friends and family to concentrate on work. You cancel family vists and vacations to go for business tours. And, finally when you buy that MERC... you drive it you love it. BUT, there is no one to sit along, no one to share that joy. No one who feels as happy for you as you are...

Is that just my experience or yours too?

Controlling Anger

"I could not control the nerve running along the right side of my forehead from expanding; my right hand's fist from turning into a boxing stud and my some less than thirty-two teeth from hitting each other in disgust", said a twenty year old guy. He was talking about the unpleasant incident when he hit his ex-best friend over a trifle matter.

As I talked to him, I was perturbed by the calm composition of his posture and demeanor. Was this the same person who had held his friend by the collar and done an act that left the collar fully stained in blood? Which is the Real one, the real emotion - the Real person?

He answered the question very wisely indeed-
He says, "When you are angry, the Adrenaline flows so fiercely that you lose your sense of wisdom. You are unaware of the expressions that overshadow your face; the movements which your hands make. Your temperament rises to a superficial level. You want to hear harsh sounds, that too made by your hand! You want to see defeat written all over the 'enemy's' face."

Woh! I really liked what he told me. And again I wanted to work out the reason behind this uproar of emotions.

I guess it's the old Big Ego coming into the picture again. How dare he say that to me? How could he do that to me? I am so important, I am so damn better than the others.

Isn't that true? Yes our EGO steps in every time. Beware of this EGO

The power in her Eyes

They say, "Our eyes are a reflection of our heart." I often practice looking into some one's eyes without actually staring at the person. For me, the eyes bring out what's going out in the mind.
Philosophically, this implies the mind rules the heart. The displayed emotions completely cloud the emotions we actually feel.
And yet, there are eyes, powerhouse of fire, which force you to reflect what's going on in your mind and heart.

I had the chance to come across the unblinking fiery big round eyes. Her dirt-laced face was marred with black marks of a stream of recently shed tears.
I had to ask the six year old to stay within a prescribed area in the premises, away from her mom working in another part of the building. As I observed from a distance, the child was acting like an undomesticated, spoiled free bird, ready to smash and break everything that came her way.
I approached her fully prepared to harshly mend her ways and give her a stern lesson in mannerisms. My brisk pace and the purposeful stare were met by an equally determined glance and an obdurate demeanour. The young girl didn't open her mouth; not a single word she said. She moved away slowly, very quietly, but, her stare spoke volumes of what she felt. Her eyes threw daggers at me. I couldn't even read out what was going on in her mind or her heart.
And yet, my mind raced to what I was doing. Her straight stare compeled me to reconsider my stance and mend my own behavior. Somehow, by looking into those big and beautiful round eyes; I could reflect upon my mind and heart.

As my heart skipped a beat, I realized how inadvertently I had drawn boundaries of civilization and domestication for a girl who had spent just six years in this cruel world.
Was it right on my part to capture her free mind into rigid categories of Yes and No, Right and Wrong; and Do this and Do not do that?

Saw her big eyes gazing back at me. Yet, to find out what to do...

Emotions Felt and Emotions Displayed

I remember these terms from a book on "Organization Behavior", I read two years ago. Yet, the implications and significance of the difference between these two emotions, has become evident lately.

There are times I find myself smiling; my friends call it the "artificial smile". I call it "the displayed emotion". The real emotion goes hidden! Fishy as it sounds, the gap often unnerves me. So, when I want to shout or scold the person who's bothering me, I end up flashing a big smile.

Again I ask myself, "why do I do that?" and I put this question to others too.

Why are we afraid of displaying our real emotions? Why do we limit ourselves to boundaries of social etiquette? Why are certain emotions considered unfit to be displayed?